an interesting article that im going to read about:
Four common problems that lead to internal family disharmony are conditional love, shame, control and emotional distance.:

http://www.ivmdl.org/cbec.cfm?study=111

i would like this book relational parenting by the same guy
even though it has a really bad cover design.

Dr. Campbell addresses the four foundations of effective parenting: -Meeting the emotional and nuturance needs of your child -Giving loving training and discipline to your child -Providing physical and emotional protection to your child -Teaching and modeling anger management to your child.